Kakizaki Memi (Memitan) / 1st Generation

I think Memi has been told to keep quiet until well after Doremi has been released. I think that's why she said we'd hear about her activities from staff, not her. I'm expecting not to hear from or about her (except maybe from her father, or Neru) until around the end of July. Turning attention to her might detract from the happy aura of the release. But talking about her two weeks later might give the release a little bump in sales. I've been wrong before, of course, but that seems like what management might want. And I think it's reasonable, unfortunately.

I'd be happy to see her take part in Neru's farewell on July 30th, if both of them want it. It seems as if Neru has been made producer/director and told to work with staff to produce a show she wants. There's a pic of Neru in her latest blog post (translated here) at a video editor. If Memi is at all into appearing, that could be a good opportunity: graduating from Keyaki as opposed to Hinata might suit her. But I haven't given up on the idea of a Memi graduation event coming sometime, or her appearing at a handshake event. The very last Kyun handshake is 11 August in Nagoya (individual). The previous one is 21 July in Tokyo (individual). Hard to say.

 

Well, we have heard something from management: she will not appear at any remaining handshake or special event, and people who have tickets for past or future events will be compensated with a poster or with the ability to use their ticket for any member, under various circumstances.

details in Japanese

I comfort myself by thinking of her enjoying a fun life at university, perhaps Tama Art University in suburban Tokyo, the #2 art university in Tokyo. It has a drama department as well. It also has this video on its site. I can feel her excitement facing the prospect of four years of art and/or acting in these circumstances, owning her own life, instead of sharing control with management and fans:


if the video does not show watch the video here

Also, the evidence is minuscule, but I suspect her artistic elder sister may already be at university (perhaps Tama?) in the Tokyo area: Memi once spoke of coming home one day from "where my sister is" as if it was not as far as Nagano.

Just to be clear, I think she has many possibilities: university (art or something else), drama college, drama troupe, college overseas, etc. I think that the arrangements for the tickets suggest that Keyakizaka is out: even for Kuroi Hitsuji handshake events, the compensation is a ticket for any other Hinatazaka member. But I did think of another idol group, such as MoMusu, which she likes. Not likely, but a thought. Even less likely, but intriguing, is a group formed by Neru....

But I think she may possibly be looking for life out of the entertainment world. That would especially be so if there was anything like a stalker incident. Also, there's a persistent poster on 5ch who claims to have formerly been in the entertainment business, who says that her quitting the NHK Education show was a huge sin that will close doors to her. I doubt it, since the contract was with Seed & Flower, not her; she performed well when she was there; and Kono-chan alone is doing well. But that idea is out there. There's also a poster who claims that the NHK show was forced on her by S&F, that she didn't want it, but S&F felt she would have to take it, since the alternative would be graduation.... I like the 5ch poster who says that in graduating, Memi shines most, taking her life in her own hands.

The elephant in the room, as far as I'm concerned, is Nao getting a film. I haven't seen anyone else talking in these terms, but if she was given it over Memi, then I think Memi would feel there was no purpose in being in Hinatazaka and would want to quit. She liked singing and dancing on stage, but she seems to have really fallen in love with acting.

It appears that the last performance Memi gave as part of Hinatazaka was the "ghost burikko" on HinaAi. People say (without proof) that was recorded on April 10. I consider that performance possibly the height of her achievement: a brilliant acting improvisation. I always thought it must have been set up beforehand, but many close watchings show Memi noticing the camera, then looking over at the monitor; doing that again; then neither Memi nor Miho is shown for a couple of seconds, and when we see her again, Memi has embarked on her improv, perhaps having been quietly given the go-ahead by staff. Miho may or may not have been upset, I'm not sure. I'm still not sure whether it was all set up ahead of time or not, but what I see could be either.

 

Personally I think is sad not to see Memi-chan in future HS events. I can understand different thoughts and feellings her fans shared in my groups, it must be very difficult for them to not have the opportunity to say thank you or goodbye to her or at least, to see her.

I don't want to think she is leaving the group in bad terms or because a fight. But I/we can suppose a lot of things without official announcement. Also I feel bad for the management because they don't know how to act, probably they thought Memi-chan could attend.

I will wish for her a happy and healthy life. I have 2 tickets for Manafi-chan HS, I'm going to tell her that please to tell to Memi-chan "thank you and be happy".

 

@Xiphyas -- Personally, even though I've never been to a handshake event or a live, I'm devastated myself that she may never appear on TV or in person again. I've spent the past month trying without success to figure out just what happened. Without knowing any really bad incident, I can only think that she did not feel as comfortable in Hinata as she did in Hiragana, for various reasons, and that the increased work-load was just too much for her, serious and hard-working as she is as a performer. Not just physically too much, but because she wanted to have time to live a somewhat normal life as well. And if she looked ahead, where would she be in four years: as an idol? as a university student? as an actress?

I see no evidence, at least not yet, of any unhappiness with people around her. Even though I myself feel that some 1gens, in particular, did not treat her with the respect she deserved, but as a plaything, all I see is her happily going along with the jokes, not showing any upset except when she said wryly on one Showroom that she didn't think Kumi would be watching. Perhaps she finally just had enough, and perhaps I'm seeing what's not there. But 3 or 4 members do mention in their blogs doing things toward her they now think they shouldn't have. And several 2gens say they wished they had gotten to know her better, but it seems she ended up being somewhat close only with Miho and Suzuka. I'm not blaming Memi or anyone else. Sometimes things just happen in a certain way.

Unless there was indeed some awful "fan" incident, or she is still not physically or mentally recovered, it doesn't seem to me that she would not want to meet the fans. But it does seem logical that management would want people thinking about the 2nd single, not about Memi. The reports I've read all make her sound as if she basically enjoyed handshake, although she was not a super-service-oriented handshake performer like Zumiko. And I saw a couple of reports that she glared at and ignored guests who were going too far (once to defend Miho when they were paired). The way her Message and blog were never that frequent and declined over the past year, I always ascribed to her not finding writing that easy, as well as to her determination to have time for herself. I'd love to hear more of your own impressions of her handshake.

Spoiler: tl;dr

However, her skills have improved tremendously over the past year and a half, in singing, acting and variety. And to me it looked as if she and Nao-chan were the most exact dancers in the Kyun front line.

But she seems to really, really love acting, and if she was still available when Nao got a film and she didn't, I think it might have turned her against management and made her think she was going to be left out even more as time went on. Or if she was dropped after an audition, that her acting was not as good as she thought. Either of these would be a devastating realization for her. I think management made logical decisions, but if they really wanted to keep her, they apparently would have had to do more for her.

I personally find Memi far more interesting and attractive as a person than any other member, but I also think there is something about her that makes her not fit in. It really hurts to see some of the crap being dished out against her in the 5channel Hinatazaka thread, and in some tweets. It makes me loathe a segment of idol fandom. But I don't disagree that she was not in sync with the Hinata style, and I do think Hinata will roar ahead even without her.

Several members in their blogs said she seemed like someone who was excellent at being an idol, enjoyed it and was a natural, and I do think she had various outstanding idol skills. But I think she lacked the need to please that a true idol seems to me to have. I think she was more into expressing herself than into pleasing the audience. This suited me just fine, but maybe not the larger idol audience.

 

So we can effectively consider her to be completely graduated right now. Great.

I'm mad at Seed & Flower. Not because I think they did anything specific that was bad, or that they purposely pushed her out. I'm mad not because of what they did, but because of what they didn't do. And by that I mean that they didn't create an environment which would make Memi want to stay. If they had then she wouldn't have graduated. They same is true for Neru and Zumiko. It should be management's primary job to create an environment that makes it so that their employees don't want to leave. That's just basic management 101, not just an idol or entertainment thing. Seed and Flower lost three of their top idols and from the looks of it, it seems all three of them left due to dissatisfaction with their current situation within the group. I don't think there is a coincidence here and I no longer hold the belief that Seed and Flower did nothing wrong or that they are blameless. The fact that Zumiko and Memi didn't get a graduation ceremony or any kind of send-off, and Neru is basically having to organize and plan hers on her own, is telling enough.

I said I would support Memi until the end but it seems like the end has already come and gone. So that's it then. And that sounds bitter, and it is, but its not any bitterness towards Memi, its bitterness towards management.

And while my heart wants to support Hinata, Seed and Flower has left such a bad taste in my mouth that I'll probably be mostly supporting Nogi from now on. Which is saying something considering how much of a die-hard Hiragana/Hinata supporter I've been since the beginning.

 

I can understand your feelings @ukifune and how much can hurt. I talked with some fans and they shared their frustration, sadness and even angry.

I really don't understand why she just want to "disappear" from her idol life and without a deserved farewell and gratitude to the fans. As I said, I don't want to think she is leaving in bad terms or because a fight, I don't believe in fortune tellers but now that predictions scaring me and in this two weeks I watch again that episode a few times. I don't want to be pessimistic because every member have good memories with Memi-chan and I know how much some of them had suffered with the graduation announcement. Nobody is perfect, everybody can made mistakes and I think if any member did something wrong, they talked about that. Kumi-chan have a strong personality but she love the members even if she don't like the 'burikko' character.

Every member joined because they will be "part" of Keyakizaka and the change had mixed feelings, but Memi-chan transparency made her so obvious and notorious. I think she worked so hard and fight a lot but she just can't forget that shock.

An important point is to know how your activities schedule change with the name too. They change to a full time job and that can be really hard for your body and mind (Hiyotan-chan have extra school activities and the new group schedule was so hard) and that can be a factor too.

We will continue speculating, but we can't affirm any of those speculations. She made a decision, probably we don't like and is hurting but we need to respect it.

The few times I went to her lane, the first thing you always noticed was her enthusiasm and big smile. When she was with Miku-chan some time ago she told me "can I be your oshi too?" And now try to imagine her smile while she said that. And when I returned, Miku-chan was jealous
That is why I think and feel is sad to not see Memi-chan in HS and general group activities. Her presence is unique and will be missed. I would have liked to see her in the BBQ episodes or the final episodes in HINABINGO.

I feel Memi-chan as a natural idol too (I already said that about other members) and a very talented girl.

Is indeed, a big loss to the group.

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Is worthless to mention 'antis' or bad fans. They don't deserve our time. 5ch can be useful, but is a double edge weapon.

 

@Xiphyas -- Thank you. You describe her in handshake as I have gathered from reading reports over the years. The "full-time job" aspect I think is important. The only thing I want to say is that we don't know if "disappearing" this way is Memi's choice, management's choice, or forced by her physical or mental condition. Nor do we know whether or not they may start talking about some sort of event after the 2nd single has been out for a couple of weeks. So I keep waiting and watching.

@gish0046 -- When she made her announcement, a number of posters on Twitter and 5ch said they would graduate from Hinatazaka, too, or from following idols at all. That's how I felt, as well, but I didn't want to disrespect Hinatazaka and decided to just let that first wave of feeling pass. There's so much to like about Hinatazaka, even the parts that I may think don't fit with Memi. So I'm still in a holding pattern, but I do find my attention on absent Memi a lot more than on the fast-approaching new single. I'm not ready to say the end has come quite yet. I'm hanging on with Memi until graduation is declared -- and even then I will keep watching for news as I go through my voluminous collection of Memi photos, videos, blogs, messages, etc. There is no-one quite like Memi. She's a "special existence," as they say.

I'm a bit slow to blame S&F too much, since there are so many factors that I'm not aware of, but I do feel as if they dropped the ball with her, in the ways you describe. From the beginning, to be frank: she was too young in mind, manner and accomplishments to be centre right away (to quote her father at the time: "I hope they realize how young she really is"), and once they made her that, they had to give her more support than they seem to have: when she was dropped to "line 1-1/2" for Bokutachi ga Tsukiatteiru, she has said no-one told her what to do there and she ended up feeling completely confused and upset. Her weird and wonderful little bounces behind Neru at one point in the MV show that.

But enough sadness. Here's Memi at her cutest, I think speaking with Kubo Shiori:


if the video does not show watch the video here

And here's another similar short video that I consider her absolute cutest (especially the eyes around 0:10), which you can download from here.

 

Just as in May and June, Memi has now posted a picture in her Message on the 15th of this month. It is a picture of a blue hydrangea (ajisai 紫陽花), a single flower-head among leaves, with the caption: "The rains haven't ended...." June in Japan is a very rainy month, with the rains tapering off in July. The pale blue colour reminds people of Hinatazaka's sky-blue. The ajisai in Memi's photo is a very creamy pure light blue. Here's a similar photo (left) and a photo where the colour is a bit more similar to Memi's:



Shortly after the pic came out, around twelve hours ago, there was an otaku festival of flower-language (hanakotoba 花言葉) interpretations. There are various meanings for various colours of ajisai, but some of the main meanings are patient/persevering love, family unity, and humility. The love is sometimes thought of as love for someone whom you are leaving forever.... Blue ajisai in particular, however, are thought of as symbolizing changeability/fickleness, coolness, serenity, and a mysterious atmosphere, as well as that enduring love (contradictory as that may seem). Pride, ruthlessness, and lack of concern for others are also mentioned.

None of this may have been in Memi's mind when she posted this -- or all of it may have been. And I have to admit I can see bits of most of these things in what I understand of Memi's character. However, one person tweeted that Memi is saying Hinatazaka has to preserve its humility as it goes forward. Another poster made what I think could be an accurate interpretation that the idea of fickleness, mixed with persevering love, is an apology from Memi for leaving fans behind. I don't recall Memi speaking directly about flower-language, but her family runs a flower shop, so I wouldn't be surprised if she knows all about it.

Lots of people are tweeting their happiness and thanks for the photo. One person on 5channel, however, replied: "What are you so happy about? One message a month and no appearances at all." Lol. A more representative post, however, said: "For me, Memi is a shining light. Your expressions, your bearing, your way of thinking: I love them all. Thank you for all your work. May you be happy. I will love you forever." (source)

The fan in Yamanashi who posted about the MV shooting on the day it was going on, posted: "Memi...! Yes, the rains are not stopping. In my heart, it is always raining." (source) He posted this pic:



EDIT: In the August EXtaishuu magazine (the one with Nao-chan on the cover) there is an interview with Sarina and Manafi about Memi's graduation. I haven't read it, but people say they find it comforting. Manafi does not regret the graduation because Memi is thinking positively and optimistically about her path (note: whatever it is). Sarina is not quite so reconciled with it. She was the last member to post in her blog about it, too.

They apparently express surprise about Memi being given the NHK education show. That might tally with the theory I've read that when she did not get new acting to do, only this, she mentioned the possibility of graduation to management and they had nothing for her, and that gave her the final push to go for her new plans. I find myself thinking positively about her future, too. Age 17 is a beginning, not an end.

All of this is just speculation, one of the possibilities in the air. For a future possibility I'd even add something entirely unrelated to art or entertainment: environmental/landscape design or something else that combines nature and science.

EDIT2: The flower language for a black tulip, which is what one of her wire flowers looks like (previous page), is: "Please forget me." Sorry, not possible.

 

I hope she will create an Instagram account after graduating. And me too, seeing even a small post from her like this is very heart warming to me even though it's not her selfie photo but a photo of a flower.

 

Personally I think this come more from her because the reaction of management (poster or different member lane) seems a bit desperate. My girlfriend told me "probably Memi-chan have mental fatigue and she want to rest". And that point make me think about how hard can be the pressure in young girls like Memi-chan, especially if we consider her image in the group.

Many of her fans who I talked the other day consider the "bad fan factor" very unlikely (we know who are the 'antis' and we report to the staff). So I think that too. After Techi-chan/Memi-chan incident, the security is more strict. And the members go without manager/security when they go out in groups or family members, but never alone.

Probably is a coincidence but Miipan-chan show her "favorite picture" in last night Hinaroom and was an ajisai picture. After I read your entry I felt nostalgic.

 

@Xiphyas -- Thanks for your points. What did you mean by "poster or different member lane"? Scrambling to rearrange pairs in national hs? I want to defend Memi against the people who judge idols on the basis of regularity, as if they were salarymen, not artists, but I do think Memi could just have reached her limit -- of physical and mental endurance and distrust of management -- and just quit in a huff. That's a theory I've seen. And I saw one post that suggested she might have felt too guilty to meet fans one-on-one. But I also think this has been brewing for a long time. I think of Memi as an emotional person, someone in touch with their feelings and accepting of them. This is one of her great strengths, in my opinion, but holds dangers.

I was coming to the same conclusion about the "stalker" idea. Manafi's posts don't sound like that's involved, either. The only two clues suggesting it are the homepage announcement about members and families being bothered (but similar announcements have been made before), and the hijacking of Memi's father's twitter (which came after that announcement was made). Do you think her absence for M-Station was a surprise to management? I've been thinking that they ordered it when she said she was going to leave. But it could have been the moment she just decided she had to quit.

I think fatigue, disappointment and even depression may be happening here. At the moment I'm thinking she was not only tired and upset but felt she was blocked by management -- particularly in acting -- and her long-held alternatives began to seem even more attractive. Anyway, that's my general hypothesis. And at 17, you should be able to try some new directions.
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The announcement is just out that Memi's Keyaki/Hinata Message service will end August 17, but that people can sign up until noon, July 17, and can send and receive messages through that time, and then read past messages free until August 30 (how far in the past, I don't know). Neru's last sign-up date was July 9, with service continuing until August 9, and past messages available until the same August 30. Will Neru and Memi now graduate at the same time? The chance of Memi appearing at Neru's event is seeming a bit greater to me today.

 

Akimoto Manatsu has expressed an interesting idea that I have been thinking about, too: "Fans are amazing. As soon as their oshi graduates, they immediately start thinking about who to make their new oshi." There are some good responses to her, too, such as: "We support them as idols, not as people, so it's natural." Personally, I find the people tweeting who they will switch to, or promoting their oshi to others, quite hard to take.

For me, the idea of looking for a new oshi is unthinkable, at least for a long while yet. I think this is because I support Memi more as a person than just as an idol. This, as I have been reminded in a comment here, is not the normal or correct way to support an idol. The idols themselves, of course, as actual human beings, may not be able to separate "idol" from "person" as easily as many fans seem to be able to.



I wonder if, although there was no stalkerish incident, Memi may have been put off by the attitudes of some fans she meets in handshake, and is not doing handshake because she does not want to be lectured by such people. This may be the place to report what I read about a former gravure idol and actress (Shimizu Fumika 清水富美加, now called Sengen Yoshiko 千眼美子). She was repelled by some people in handshake and quit doing gravure altogether. I will put it in spoilers, since it isn't very nice.

Spoiler: Sengen Yoshiko

"I worked hard, smiling and genki, but when I went to meet people at handshake events, I found the moist hands of some middle-aged men (ojisan) really disgusting. I thought: 'This older man I don't know goes home and looks at my photobooks and DVDs, and I wonder what he does with them.' It really made me feel awful."

"I began to think things like: 'What am I doing? For the sake of this I made my family unhappy and gave up my happy high-school life...?'"

Now, Memi is not a gravure idol, and fewer (but still some) men in their 30s/40s/50s are fans of Hinatazaka, and there's no indication she has made her family unhappy. And Sengen Yoshiko is quite a different person: she quit gravure to become a sort of nun in the religious cult her parents belong to. But I can imagine a similar feeling.

One poster in Memi's support thread on 5ch wrote: "The clean and resolute way she made the break made me fall in love with her all over again." That is another way of looking at what has happened so far. I can imagine Memi finally coming to a decision and wanting to make a clean break, to get away from Seed & Flower and the whole idol world and think only of the future. Or she may just feel guilty about abandoning her fans and not want to face the music, lol. I hope none of that is true and she will return for at least some kind of appearance, but we shall see.

Or it may actually be that I was right in the first place and she was told to keep away by management so as not to cloud the release of the 2nd single -- although @Xiphyas is somewhat convincing that management has been surprised by her not appearing for handshake and special events. They may not have been surprised after her grad announcement on 21 June, but they may well have been by her not appearing between 29 April and that date (and possibly by her not appearing for M-Station 19 April). All 12 1gens apparently got together for a meal on April 30 or in early May, and she probably told them then she was graduating.

In general, the 5ch "support" thread has degenerated into a playground for antis, with only about the same number of supporters still posting, and a reduced number of posts. It's fairly disgusting what pleasure some people take in trying to make others feel badly.

 

I thought I will also leave Hinatazaka after Memi graduate later, like when Mona left Keya then I also graduated from Keya fandom and stop following them. But, I remember the reason why I become an Idol fan, which is to find entertainment and an escape from my stressful daily life. Fortunately, Hinatazaka still has so many interesting contents for me to enjoy. So, it's time to move on and find new Oshimen.

 

So how are we supposed to support her now? Put a note in a bottle, throw it in the ocean, and hope it reaches her?

She's no longer in the entertainment industry. She's not on social media. Am I supposed to go to her school and wish her luck on her test?

I'll support Memi if I'm able. If she's in a drama I'll watch it. If she opens a twitter or insta I'll follow it. But I'm not going to pretend there's something there when there isn't.

Parasocial relationships can be fun if you don't take it seriously and understand the reality of the situation. But they can also be very unhealthy, especially when you've gotten to the point where you feel the need to follow and support someone who is unfollowable and unsupportable. A line needs to be drawn between reality and fantasy.

And I don't feel bad about getting "new" oshimen. I always supported other people besides Memi. So rather than getting "new" oshimen, I'm just focusing on other members I was already a fan of. Aren't you a Mon oshi and a Tecchi oshi and a Manafi oshi? Its not something to feel guilty about.

 

Yeah, this is one of those instances where being a Hako-oshi has its advantages. I adore every single girl in Hinata, pretty much equally. They're talented, great singers and entertainers and are just all incredible likeable. I felt a connection to them from the start that was missing with Keyaki, and even Nogizaka before them. And while I was upset when Memi announced her graduation, at the end of the day no matter how you feel, think of the other girls in the group and what they're losing - especially those closets to her.

And those of you talking about no longer following Hinatazaka just because Memi is graduating, how little did you actually like the group in the first place then? One member leaves an you abandon the whole group?

She's chosen to take a different path and maybe that means never hearing from her again. It's hard. But that's her choice. And I for one wish her all the luck in the world, I hope she finds happiness wherever that path takes her. . . but the show must go on. I will continue to support and love Hinatazaka for as long as they exist. If nothing else, I think it can be safely said that that's something Memi would want all of us to do.

 

That's just the way it works for idol groups in general, I'm afraid. Naachan graduated? A'right adios to Nogi! Neru graduating soon? That's it for Keyaki then!

Wotas make up the bulk of idol fandom/popularity, and you can bet they feel passionate toward their oshimens. Once their oshimen leaves, it's like an empty feeling - their main interest in the group is gone so why should they continue to follow/support the group?

Now for me, though I genuinely love Keyaki members, almost all equally, I wouldn't nearly be as interested in them if they didn't release such kickass music and deliver solid performances. That's why it was hard for me to grasp when people said they'd leave the Keyaki fandom once Neru graduates - like, seriously, you're not going to miss their stellar music? And now when I hear about Memi stans abandoning Hinata, I'm also stunned - because Hinata as a whole delivers great talent and skills in both variety and performance. Like, you're not gonna miss any of that?

But I get that idol stanning is a choice, and I don't want to judge anyone's decision to leave an entire group fandom once their oshimen leaves. In the end, we all have our reasons for liking a group, and whether or not that reason is due to a single member of the group doesn't make us any less of a fan.

 

Sorry for my late reply.

I understand how you feel but at the end is your decision to not support the group or to have a "new" oshimen. Sometimes is hard to think clearly when your emotions are strong and is easy to act according to those feelings and they can have good or bad consequences. That happened to me and Neru-chan for a moment, I thought I just could stop supporting and follow the girls but I noticed that even if I love Neru-chan, I have seen the girls evolve, laugh, cry, get exited and suffer when they saw their 'sisters' take a different path.

I talked with lot of people, many of them with your same thinking @ukifune and what I have seen in them, is sadness. If you have decided to stop following Hinatazaka, is your decision and deserves respect. But don't forget the amazing moments and memories the girls have given us.

In my case I have Miku-chan but I already love all of them (even if she show her jealousy).

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Why I remark management reaction?, because they normally prepare something different (more elaborate) even in the official notice when a member don't assist, more than a "Poster or a different member lane" and no explanation. I saw members personal notes in their lane number like "Sorry if you are not able see me today" or other members notes like Neru-chan on Memi-chan number lane when she was in poor health ("Please recover soon"). That's why I think that management didn't foresee that Memi-chan was going to be absent.

Is my speculation based in what I saw, but I may be wrong.

 

Good comments, all. But I am waiting to the very end, not jumping ship before the official announcement she is actually gone. I still have hopes for some kind of farewell -- even thoughts of her appearing at Neru's farewell -- and potentially for a new entertainment role of some kind.

After that, my choice will be between finding a new oshi or not, and continuing to support the group as a whole or not -- as outstanding an idol group as it is. That requires a lot of thought and feeling, and I am not ready to make any decisions.

The fact is that my strong feelings about Memi made it hard to see the rest of the group when she was there, and the first couple of TV shows when she wasn't there allowed me to see the others a bit better. Although the turmoil of the past few weeks has blinded me again.

Memi brought me over from Keyaki and I may return to Keyaki, or just find other forms of entertainment. Or my love of Hiragana Hinata may bloom again. Or it may be that the true idol space is not my thing. Clearly, I am not fully in sync with the culture. Time will tell. I wait for my slow emotions to resolve themselves.

Personally, I'm still deriving pleasure from trying to figure out just what happened, and rewatching events and moments from the past, of which there are many. The idea that if she is not currently active, there is nothing to enjoy does not make sense to me, although it is true you can't actually "support" someone who is invisible and does not need it, lol. But I still think of her -- and the others -- basically as people, and only secondarily as idols. As I said, I am clearly not in sync with the culture.

But I hope people will take seriously how Manatan appears to react. That reaction defines the borderland between idol and human being.

Thanks very much for the useful comments.

 

I read the recent posts and...I'm feeling kind of sad right now (probably just my old & sentimental self leaking out). Particularly @ukifune 's - someone who I might disagree with at times in the past, but appreciate greatly for updates/posts/blog. Had drafted up a long rambling post, but I decided to kibosh that.

I don’t believe there should be a “set of rules” you imposed upon yourself.

If the reason for being "here" is no longer around...then you don't have to force yourself to stay. If you found a new person to support, or not...ultimately you know yourself the best, you'll find the best path to take.

Heh, I can't belief I'm still rambling, even when I tried not to. I'm gonna miss Memi, like I missed my other graduated idols over the years. I'm still going to support the members & groups I followed, for as long as I'm able to.

 

I don't think you can really judge someone else choice, nor you can measure their love for the group based on their leave or stay.
An Oshi is something more than someone you like or not; and I doubt anyone can set themselves to take this or that decision before their own oshi announces graduation. You really don't know the impact your Oshi leaving can have.

For example, I would never have thought that Memi leaving would open a wound so big that it would swallow the whole Hinata, and nothing you or anyone else say can change how much I liked them before and how much I lost now in term of enthusiasm. I know they are great in many levels and skills, but I don't feel it anymore. And guess what, there's no right or wrong, because it's not a decision.

And it's not something you can prepare for either... I'm all for staying in and with keyaki if Techi graduate, but who knows how I will really react to it... with Memi surely there's a bitterness that wouldn't be there with Hori or Techi. We went back and forth discussing Hiragana distancing itself from Keyaki, we discussed about the name change, different singles, yadda yadda and there's that nagging feeling that accomplishing all of that is one of the reasons Memi chose a different path.

Perhaps I'm wrong, maybe I'm right... but that little doubt will always stay there.
More than anything, I'm sad because I lost my oshi, and at the same time I'm positive that she'll find her own way and experience new things. Like @ukifune said, This is a new beginning for Memi, not an end. And this makes me happy for her.