The "Funny Stuffs" thread!

Use this thread here to share all your funny stuff like jokes, funny videos or pictures! It can be anything funny, as long as its not something offensive, like racist jokes. Try not to post dirty jokes as well Keep this thread alive, feel free to spam fill up this thread with whatever things that give us a good laugh!!


Anyway, I shall start...

‎1 - Open Google Maps ( get directions).
2 - Type China as your starting point.
3 - Type Taiwan as your destination.
4 - Read step 48.

 

More...

Spoiler

A tourist visiting Egypt is wandering through a town, when he happens
upon an Arab washing his camel. He watches the Arab fondle the camel's
testicles as he announces the time to a passerby. In awe, the tourist
watches the Arab. Another person stops to ask the Arab the time and
again he massages and fondles the testicles. After he again tells the
time, the tourist is completely flabbergasted. He watches him then for
an hour as people go up to him for the time and with each one, he
fondles the camel's testicles!
The tourist finally had to know. He went up to the Arab and said,
"Excuse me, sir, but I couldn't help but notice that you can get the
time just by feeling your camel's testicles! How do you do it?"
"Quite simple. Bend down."
The tourist bends down, as the Arab pushes the testicles out of the
way and says, "Do you see that clock over there?"

 

^
^

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Aww, I've got nothing... I bet tons of people know this but, this one is more amusing than funny... If you put any AKB girl's nicknames in hiragana on google translate only one name gets translated to her full name. Most don't even make sense, the takamina one gives a bit of a giggle i guess... [think]

 

^ Haha its okay, thanks for sharing!! I can't type hiragana on my comp so I can't view it

Spoiler

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

Also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTasT5h0LEg

 

Spoiler

Need A Bad Day to Get Into Heaven

It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

Spoiler

A Cuckoo Of A Night Out

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem p***d off in the least.......... Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times then said 'oh sh*t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

 

nice thread.
hahaha this one
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpOVGbTqQ2A[/yt]

 

Nice Thread, Doraemon!
----------
^I saw that one before and it was hilarious. I also saw another one with a little boy playing it and when he got scared he peed in his pants. LOLOLOL.
----------
Hhhmmm.....funny stories seem to not make me laugh since I'm more into the scary zone, BUT, some of them are funny! LOL.

 

Hey, I improved that one a little bit. Hope you don't mind

 

Poor Guy!! But his reaction was awesome

Haha, but still try to post here okies?

Of course I don't!! Thanks for contributing here lol!

 

^Don't worry, I will always try to help you out and post in here.
----------------------------
FUNNY JOKES [party]

Spoiler

Gender Joke ~ ABC's of ex girlfriends
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R
is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

Spoiler

Misc Jokes - 101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

EDIT: Ah, these are actually funny and awesome to me. 8D Good times. NOT!

 

If the guy who was taking the video (and did the prank) owned that computer, then the joke is really on him

 

Joke
Let's keep this thread alive!

Spoiler

The Compassionate Lawyer

Driving through town in his BMW, a successful young lawyer spotted two man on the side of the road eating grass out of somebody's yard. Moved by how desperate the men had become, he pulls over to have a word with them,

"Hey fellas, what is going on? Why are you eating grass?" asks the lawyer.

"We're down on our luck, have no jobs and are very poor!", they both respond.

"Well then, come with me" the lawyer insists. "I'll do what I can to help, after all - it's clear you're desperate and you're clearly willing to do what it takes to get by."

After a fifteen minute drive, the two poor men arrive at a beautiful estate on five acres of land right on the 18th hole of a prestigious golf course. They became excited at the chance to finally get some work.

"Sir, we can't thank you enough! Thank you so much for this opportunity. We will make you happy!" they exclaimed with joy!

"Ah, it's no problem. I'm just happy to help." replied the compassionate lawyer. You can eat all the grass you want, it's got to be at least a foot tall by now!"

Spoiler

A Marriage Made In Heaven

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.

The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he'll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can - in fact - get arried in Heaven. To his suprise, the woman asks "Just wondering, if things don't work out will we be able to get a divorce?"

With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out "Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here... you really think I'm gonna find a lawyer?"

 

hey.. nice threat doraemon

lol... this one funny also..

ok.. here is mind

Spoiler

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

 

nice...
guess i'll join in
i manage to get prize from this at online game forum , now share here too
i try to make it as clean as possible...

Spoiler

taken from our skype chat group
its a long chat...
[9:24:28 PM] RenggaZzZ: you know Cynthiara Alona ?
[9:24:32 PM] RenggaZzZ: Indonesia Artist
[9:24:41 PM] RenggaZzZ: i has her Nude pict
[9:24:42 PM] RenggaZzZ: ****
[9:24:50 PM] RenggaZzZ: she is really awesome
[9:24:50 PM] takuma saito: huh dunno
[9:24:54 PM] RenggaZzZ: aiyoo
[9:24:57 PM] RenggaZzZ: Cynthiara alona
[9:24:58 PM] takuma saito: cinta laura i know
[9:25:01 PM] RenggaZzZ: zzzzzzzzz
[9:25:01 PM] takuma saito: ((rofl))
[9:25:11 PM] RenggaZzZ: not cinta laura lha
[9:25:16 PM] RenggaZzZ: Cynthiara Alona
[9:25:32 PM] RenggaZzZ: the one who play " pwned by Ghost " movie
[9:25:43 PM] takuma saito: nope
[9:25:49 PM] RenggaZzZ: she always has a sexy or **** like girl
[9:25:50 PM] RenggaZzZ: ****
[9:26:08 PM] takuma saito: i rarely see movie n tv
[9:26:30 PM | Edited 9:26:35 PM] RenggaZzZ: she become model in Adult Megazine
[9:26:51 PM] RenggaZzZ: **** ****.. she nuce, without any 1 string
[9:26:59 PM] RenggaZzZ: Indonesian artist now so Imba
[9:27:00 PM] RenggaZzZ: Very Happy
[9:27:06 PM] RenggaZzZ: wanna see the pict ?
[9:27:14 PM] takuma saito: where
[9:27:28 PM] RenggaZzZ: wait
[9:27:38 PM] takuma saito: u save it
[9:27:41 PM] takuma saito: ((rofl))
[9:28:23 PM] RenggaZzZ: yah yah
[9:28:24 PM] RenggaZzZ: ****
[9:28:28 PM] RenggaZzZ: she really sexy le
[9:28:36 PM] *** RenggaZzZ sent Cynthiara Alona.jpg ***
[9:28:54 PM] *** RenggaZzZ sent Cynthiara Alona2.jpg ***

[9:29:02 PM] RenggaZzZ: you will know her
[9:29:10 PM] RenggaZzZ: she always show in horror movie
[9:29:37 PM] takuma saito: |-(
[9:29:46 PM] RenggaZzZ: how how how ?
[9:29:48 PM] RenggaZzZ: you know her ?
[9:30:10 PM] takuma saito: nope
[9:30:13 PM] takuma saito: ((rofl))
[9:30:13 PM] RenggaZzZ: zzzzzzzz
[9:30:25 PM] RenggaZzZ: you live in indonesian, but dddnt know indonesian artist
[9:30:26 PM] RenggaZzZ: zzzzzz
[9:30:47 PM] takuma saito: my body at indonesia but my soul n mind som,ewhere else
[9:30:51 PM] takuma saito: ((rofl))
[9:31:04 PM] RenggaZzZ: lol
[9:31:05 PM] RenggaZzZ: Very Happy
[9:31:11 PM] RenggaZzZ: i thought, how much she paid
[9:31:13 PM] RenggaZzZ: errr
[9:31:27 PM] RenggaZzZ: she want do nude photo
[9:31:35 PM] RenggaZzZ: i thought, how much she paid
[9:31:37 PM] RenggaZzZ: errrrrr
[9:32:07 PM] takuma saito: pay me 300million ill do the same shot
[9:32:11 PM] takuma saito: ((rofl))
[9:32:34 PM] RenggaZzZ: ((finger))
[9:32:39 PM] RenggaZzZ: who want see you
[9:32:40 PM] RenggaZzZ: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[9:32:44 PM] takuma saito: ((rofl))
[9:32:45 PM] RenggaZzZ: ((finger))
[9:33:03 PM] RenggaZzZ: LMAO

 

Maybe most of you have already seen this, but its VERY funny I love Japanese jokes, they have such a big sense of humor.
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsULaWmrW8g[/yt]

 

Hehe I don't get it LOL

Spoiler

20 Fun Things To Do On An Elevator While Bored

Next time you're on an elevator and feel alittle bored, liven up the moment with some of these insightful ideas. Guaranteed to make heads turn or your money back.
1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
4.Swat at flies that don't exist.
5.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
6.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
7.Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
8.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they hear something ticking.
9.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
10.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
11.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
12.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
13.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"
14.Fart loudly then exclaim "Was that you. There's no way I could do that one because unfortately mine don't come out loud."
15.Before the elevator door opens shout "DING" and then laugh and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."
16.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
17.Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passenger's direction.
18.Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "that's mine!"
19.Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
20.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

 

LOL. Nice picture!!!!!!!!!! [rofl]

 

@saika.city : and I watched a grandma played this scary maze. what did her grandchild think if her grandma got heart attacked? lmao

@taku : lol I didn't even know that woman... so rare to watch tv n go to the cinema

 

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_kMs0W1qRI[/yt]

I think this one of the funniest reactions i have seen so far out of all ghost pranks