I don't know if this qualifies as serious enough to be a life problem, and I don't even know what posting this will accomplish, but there's nothing wrong with venting (hopefully): My entire life i've been nothing but selfless and respectful, i've had a lot of setbacks that I consider myself a more well rounded person for having overcome. The opportunity to attend a language school in Japan has come up, and once again my parents have decided that i'm not worth their support. I'm 19 years old with no real job experience yet, so it's quite impossible to acquire the loans and portions of the information that is requested. I feel literally stuck, as they've held my progress in life back multiple times, whether it's staying in a school I like, or getting my driver's license. This takes the cake though, as their unwillingness to cooperate with this in particular has led me to decide that if I ever do get the chance to work toward my goal, I really don't want their involvement. I know there are people with much bigger problems and i'm grateful for everything that I have, but I just want to be selfish on this one thing.
^ I can't really help you out much regarding money, but if you have an opportunity then definately take it. If you're parents are stopping you from living a fulfilling life then screw them. And regarding selfishness: "Being sorry is the highest act of selfishness, seeing value only after discarding it." - Douglas Horton
^ ^ have you considered self-study? not to look down on your problems but when i look at back at my own life, i feel like there's a lot i could've accomplished if i applied myself more honestly towards what i wanted...
^ ^ ^ you are 19, and you dont have any work experience,, well im 22 and i dont have ANY work experience too, i mean prof experience,i have some work before but those are simple/extras.. just do what you want, just prove to them what you are capable of, and hopefully in the end, all your hardship and sacrifice will payoff..
Life's what you make it so let's make it right =) Gambatte everybody! *Sorry for being positive but sometimes we are a prisoner of our own imprisonment. That is why it's good to talk it out so that a different view can guide us out.
Well, I've got a problem. I've liked this girl for, hmm 2 years now? Anyway, I'm too much of a wuss to ask her out on a date, and through the years she's had a few boyfriends (most of them are total douchebags) and I've always been the one to pick her ass up off the ground when she breaks down. and so most, if not all of my friends know that I like this girl, but one of my close friends constantly flirts with her and it really ticks me off. Sure I don't own her, or him but come on. Most of my friends know about this, and they don't say anything but they're certainly not supporting him either. I suppose it's my fault as well, I should just grow a pair and ask her out. If it doesn't go well, then that's just unfortunate. It's just, like I said before I'm an asian teenager and I mean anyone would think she's way out of my league, (even I believe that she's out of my league too) But, what should I do? Am I in the wrong for being slightly pissed that my close friend is flirting with a girl I've liked for a long time?
^ I shall try and assist as best as possible. Firstly, I don't think your friend is at fault here. If you have liked this girl for 2 years and done nothing about it, then your friend has every right to go for her or do whatever he pleases. Sure, i can understand that guys are expected to uphold the "bro code", but if you haven't acted upon it in 2 years, if other guys like her, they aren't going to wait around for you. Anyways, you say she has been going out with "total douchebags". Doesn't that say more about her character than anything else? If she wants to go out with these type of people, i do not see how she is out of your league. If anything, it shows she settles for "douchebags". And you, I'm sure are not a douchebag so you should be better than those whom she usually goes for. If you're saying she goes out with douchebags and settles only for meatheads, that says more about her character than anything. I don't know if you want to pursue someone who does. If you're in it for fun, then by all means go for it. But 15 year old relationships, heh, seems like that age when everyone wants to get committed and have a "real" boyfriend and girlfriend. And what do you mean cos you're an "asian teeanger she is out of your league"? What race is she? Regardless, that's a load of nonsense. You don't go into these kinds of things with the mindset of that. But moving onto what you should do: act upon this feeling you have for this girl, instead of being mad at your buddy (unless you believe she is not someone that suits you, then abandon ship). however that may be idc, there is no definitive way in initiating relationships. you say you're the one who always picks her ass up off the ground after breakups so you have her contact down, you see her in school or whatever, time to work your magic Tommy
For this part, I just want to say .. if the guy is indeed your (Tomokazu's) *close* friend .. I think you guys should talked to each other about this. Not that he needs your permission to hit on the girl ... but it'd be nice if he at least talked to you first and let you know what's up. Otherwise, I wouldn't call him a close friend since he knows how you feel about the girl (for 2 years!). But I'd also say holding onto a grudge is not the way to go. You either talk to him - let him know that you're going to pursue the girl and hope he backs down. Or that you guys acknowledge that both of you will be pursuing the girl. Or that you back down and let him pursue the girl and you just forget about this girl. You gotta deal with this situation - be straight with how you feel and with him. Don't hold onto a grudge *if* you indeed consider him a close friend.
I agree with the advice yic and A93x gave. I think you should talk to your friend about it and, quite honestly, ask her out. Even if it doesn't go well, at least you tried! Even if it seems like your friend is being really uncool by flirting with her when he knows how you feel about her.... please don't let it ruin your friendship. I had two friends in a similar situation and they are on very bad terms now because the girl in your position didn't have it in her to forgive my other friend when she started dating the guy the both liked. Unfortunately, stuff like that happens. But no matter how long you've liked this girl, the most you can do is give it a go by asking her out and then back off if she rejects you. I know it's a pretty unfortunate situation, but giving it your best and then letting it go if necessary is pretty much all you can do. Anything else would be really immature and unreasonable.
Right, well I confronted my friend and asked him if he has feelings, turns out he does. (No surprises there) and so, I asked her if she has feelings for him, but she apparently doesn't and only as a friend. So, I've decided I'm going to ask her out on June 8th. It's either going to go awesome, and she's going to say yes or, she's going to say no and well yeah. But, I mean the worlds still going to spin, and I'm still going to be alive at the end of the day. Any who, you guys have any suggestions? (I've never actually been in a proper relationship before, nor have I ever asked a "girl out" how does this system work? Do I ask her out on a date? or do I ask her out first, then ask her out on a date later?)
I don't know if June 8th is cutting it a bit too close for comfort - she might feel a tad intimidated given that your friend only recently confessed to her. Give her some space. But yes, I echo this: Just don't do what I did in the past and, well, went opposite to *whatever I highlighted in bold*, unless you want your friendship with her to go all awkwardly pear-shaped and sour. I obviously don't know what her character's like, but do note different people react to these sorts of things differently - maybe it'll be a little awkward for a bit between you two post-confession, maybe it won't and you'll both just shrug it off (over time). Hope that helps, speaking from my limited experience in this department. Oh, the bliss of high-school romance... *cough*
^ no, no. He didn't confess to her, he just told me cause I asked him. and I asked her, if she likes him. But the thing is, he knows that I like her, and the last thing he said to me was "Let the games begin" I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be angry, disappointed or sad. Or maybe I'm just being too sensitive, I probably am. But I can't compete against him, only time is on my side. Everything else that a girl would be longing for, he has. So after this, do you think I should still follow through with my plan?
Good to see you're optimistic about it if things are not going to turn out. But you're reading too much into this "going out" thing. You don't necessarily have to ask a girl on a "date". I don't know how to explain, but just know that it's not that rigid in terms of once you ask her out, you're dating or whatever. Anyways, like i said before, there is no definitive way to initiate this, but i think it is safe to say that you should at least increase your level of contact with her over these next couple of weeks, so then if you do ask her out on the 8th or whatever, that she won't be completely caught out of the blue. Do and say what you want over these next 2 weeks, but just don't go full steam ahead and start talking to her non stop like there's no tomorrow. I think it is fine if you want to make your intentions clear somewhat, but do NOT say anything ridiculous like (these bad boys are reserved for me): "Hi, can i have your photo, so i can show santa what i want for christmas" "What has 32 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper" etc etc. you get the idea. Now onto the fun part, how to ask her out. Many different routes one can undertake. There are the traditionalists and the not so traditional. The not so traditional involves highly risky strategies which are not guaranteed to pay off (neither are the traditional methods), but depending on the girl and what she's like, it may work. examples include; a beautifully written love letter stuffed into her shoebox. This will require highly tactical stealth movements as female shoeboxes are most likely located in their bedrooms, so it won't be easy navigating you way to get there. But chances are, it will charm the girl. Or you can simply write a love letter and give it to her without her knowing who its from. chances are though, in this day and age, i can't imagine them working for young relationships, so we shall move onto the more fail safe methods. I think the important thing is what i mentioned above with the leading up to the moment when you ask her out. You have to actually increase communication with her and even that in itself makes it somewhat more clear to girls that you are interested. I do not believe girls can really be that thick, and even those who may be beginners too, would at least know something is different. So, over these 2 weeks, when things have gradually improved, you ask her out (in person please). How you ask her out, is up to you. I don't think you necesarily ask "would you like to go out with me" or any nonsense like that, its more so a casual thing as you're young and no one wants to be confronted with something so immediate so suddenly. So even though it is the oldest page in the book, ask her if she wants to catch a movie with you. It's basically asking her out, without asking her to "go out". I am not recommending this way exclusively though, that is but of 1 example. If you ask her out via text, i am afraid that is a guaranteed path to online dating. You must be prepared for the incoming kick in the guts if she refuses. So to conclude; work on things these next couple of weeks. dont be foolish. ask her in person when you're ready. do not have pre-prepared lines and sentences. May the force be with you. EDIT: jeez, just as i am about to post this, you throw up more curveballs? should've posted that "let the games" bs earlier. who says you can't compete with him? i just wrote so much so i can't be bothered going too long about this stuff, so for now i'll just use an example of Sasshi jumpin to 9th. Who would've predicted that she would be able to compete with the likes of tomochin? never count out the underdog! DOUBLE EDIT: my own life problem, i just wrote so much now my arms are really tired. i need a backrub
STOP. While there are certain traits in a guy that most girls would find attractive - such as having confidence ... Every girl still has her own preference. No one guy is perfect for every woman. It may be hard to believe ... but for example, not everyone likes Sashihara Rino (shock!). You and I may think she is perfect ... but there really are people who think she is ugly, annoying, and would not date her even if you paid him to! I am dead serious btw. So you never know if YOU are this girl's type. Or if your friend is. You just gotta believe in yourself ... believe that you are worthy of her love. Because if you don't believe it ... then she most likely will not either. And like Alex said .. don't take this whole dating thing too seriously. The more serious you make it .. the more you'll add pressure to the girl and the higher chance you're mess it up. I recommend you not to even bring up the word "date". Just ask her if she's free on blah blah day afternoon .. say you're going to this blah blah place to do something cool and see if she wants to tag along. If she says no, say it's no big deal - you'll ask someone else then. The key is to make the process as natural as possible. When you guys hang out .. just have fun. And when the time is right, hold her hand. If she lets go .. don't make a big deal out of it. A small rejection with a girl doesn't actually mean the end. It just means she's not ready yet. ANYWAYS ... wish you the best of luck. We'll be waiting for your success report.
I wouldn't worry too much about him. Especially if he also knows you like her too. From my perspective, he's probably just playing with you, but I can't be so sure obviously. Does he seem supportive of your efforts, or antagonistic? As the other above two romantic doctors have suggested, just go for it and see what happens. Remember, this is about you and her. Not him and her. Man, this sounds like me like what, 7 years ago...
O__O Tom don't say that.. It really doesn't matter what race you are or what race she is. Be Proud of Yourself The last past [nod] pretty sure you do. Why June the 8th? You never know there are over 7 billion people in the world and someone could just steal her so easily so if you like someone you have to ask them out before anyway steals her away.
Ah, wow. Stage48 really is awesome. I cannot express how thankful I am for discovering this forum. Thanks guys for your feedback, over the next few weeks I'll develop the friendship between her and I more and more. If all goes well, and she does say yes to a date... Is a more "fun" and "energetic" place better? Or a romantic place? I was thinking of asking her out to get some ice cream by this local beach. Does it sound a little too tacky? Or too "up there" for a first date? Should I instead take her to a theme park or movies? And how I plan to ask her out on a date, she loves the Beatles, and memes, and so I was thinking of making a tacky Internet meme asking her out on a date, and celotape it onto the slipcase of a vinyl Beatles record. What do you think? I'm starting to think it might be a little too much, and I should instead just ask her out casually like a normal conversation? As for new updates regarding my friend, my friend asked her online if she likes him, but it turns out only as a friend. Although he's a little heartbroken, he still likes her. Should I ask her if she likes me before I ask her out on a date? Or just goes all in and hope that she likes me, and that she'll say yes? Oh and don't worry, I'll be asking her on a date in person. She deserves to have a boyfriend who can rack up the guts to at least ask her out face to face. Sorry for asking so many questions, I've decided to take some initiative and tell my other close friend about my plans tomorrow. He's a real nice bloke, so I know that he'll give some really good advice. Although he'll probably make some sexual joke regarding my mum or genitals. Anywho, Ill keep you all updated, and hopefully if she says yes, I'll post a picture of her and I together.
Maaate, what are you thinking. Come on. I know that this is probably the first time and it is very exciting/nerve wracking etc. for you but please, we don't want to ooze more cheese than a pizza shop now do we? You're overthinking things way too much. You're trying too hard to have things planned out and whatnot. A Beatles vinyl case? Really? I am not the be all and end all, my advice is no more credible than the next person, but i would never do such a thing. Like Yic said, make it casual, and keep it simple. in person, via conversation, ask away, get a response. simple. You're 15, "romantic" dates are nonsensical at that age, especially for 1st time. they don't even exist. zero. zilch. nada. nothing. Anything like that is just, no. Sorry, just trying to get the point across. So nothing ridiculous like roses or chocolates please. And i thought the plan was over these 2 weeks to improve the friendship and hope something builds upon that. If so, if you are not blinded by "love", you will be able to determine relatively whether she has an interest or not for you. If you can tell that she is ending conversations abruptly and ignoring you and whatnot, that is a good indication to stop trying. Not that i want that to happen though. Thats just something to keep in mind as you're building upon the current relationship. So there is no need to come straight out and ask "hey bebe do you like meh?" Final advice Tommy: Keep it simple, stop overthinking please, do not try and be so prepared. You know what to do. oh yeah, and shoutouts to akb48 for keeping it simple. she knows whats going on. Don't doubt yourself due to your race too buddy. btw, is there a pic of her you are willing to show? just curious
Good luck! Asking someone out on a date isn't easy and keeping her interested is the hardest. Keep it natural, keep it cool. Don't make her overly special. If you're too desperate, they can sense it. Gambatte and enjoy the date! Going out with someone should be enjoyable, so keep it that way.
