Love ~ I am in, or when was the last time I've been in ...

Discussion in 'The STAGE48 Lobby' started by qilver, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. Pan-chan

    Pan-chan Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    ewwwww my ex boyfriend is hassling me
    I broke up with him a couple of months ago
    I was quite fond of him,
    but because of the age gap, he is more ready to settle down than me
    i've only just turned 18, so in my own opinion i have a lot of time to think about that stuff

    He says he wants to try it again
    and keeps promising that he wont put any pressure on me
    but i dont really trust that at all. It wont be long before he starts on about
    how I should move in with him etc once again.
     
  2. maraippo

    maraippo Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
    Location:
    miichan's house xD
    love is...thw worst subject i've ever had in my life..ahaha

    even got a fail in the paper and had to repeat it over again. never took the paper since there's still no lecturer i'd like to take the paper with..aaha

    *offtopic*nice siggy lamahdesu...i luv it...
     
  3. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Under Girls Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    qilver & others too, I've read your post but I'm now in a position that I can't give any suggestion to other people. Really sorry.


    Mine is getting serious. Something changed. It turns out to be opposite. I admit. I DO LIKE HIM NOW. I can't resist that. Seriously, I can't forget him after everything happened for this 2 months. He's really kind to me now. But not like before. Previously, when I avoided him, he'll get closer to me. Now, when I started to like him back, he's avoiding me. At the same time, he's trying to be in contact with me. My head's gonna explode if this continues!
     
  4. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    @Pan-chan,

    wow, that sucks...well, if you are ok with it. was he older and how much older if you don't mind me asking? how long were you two dating?
    yeah you do have a lot of time considering the age gap, etc...as other factors may have played into this to complicate things. were you the one to break it off?

    @Haruna,

    oh no....now the tables have turned and you crave his attention? is that why you mistaken perhaps your desire to like him, even after all this time of trying to avoid him? maybe it was out of convenience, and now he is scared that you will turn him down? does he like the chase? some guys like that, but i actually would like the girl to chase me, or atleast give me a lot of signal and receptivity that she does like me and it would be ok for me to pursue her more...i need that feedback from her. Otherwise i might think she lost interest and quickly move on as in the case of my last scenario with that girl, besides it was for the better that i made my decision to end it.
     
  5. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Under Girls Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    ^ I don't know. In my old culture, girls are not supposed to chase for men. But that culture is already outdated. Girls usually chase men they like. And I'm the one who still believe the old culture. I don't know what he's thinking. For certain reasons, I feel like I've been used. He calls me when he needs me and ignore me when he doesn't. I really feel happy when he needs me, not other person. He can choose to pick any other students, male or female to help him out but he doesn't do that. He still asks me. Now I feel I've been left out alone. I asked my very close friend about this matter. She told me to confess everything at the right time but I feel I can't do that. What happened if he turns me down? I need some space to breathe now. I feel suffocated with this problem. Among my friends, I'm the only one who don't have any partner yet...

    *borrow Ange's shoulders for a while*
     
  6. nihonjinjanai

    nihonjinjanai Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2007
    ^sorry if it sound a lil bit too "detectivery", but it sound like this classic "pull& push" thingy.
    they try to get close to you (push), but when you like them back, they pull it. makes you reeeeaally curious and can't sleep.
    inothing wrong with that, though. love is a mind game, and will always be. the important thing is believe in your heart and be patient. hurriness is the enemy.
    and yeah, like qilver said, if you indeed like him, give him a signal here and there.
     
  7. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    just a few weeks or a month ago, just facing him being near him made you feel bad, and want to flee, now you have the opposite reaction, which is puzzling. How can this one man have so much influence upon your emotions from one extreme to the other? I think a good thing is to take a step back, think about this logically, and why you feel these feelings, one way to the other way. Weigh out the PROS and CONS, and whether this is good for you or not. It seems obvious that his abundant attention and focus on you has deterred(changed) your emotions, feelings towards him to being attracted, which is my guess. Is this out of convenience since there is no other prospect around giving you that kind of attention? Perhaps this is temporary, or perhaps you might've really like him from long ago but was suppressing your feelings for him? or i could be wrong in guessing here. I do think that this situation is stressing you out, either from in the previous case of trying to get on with your life, and avoiding him if you can, to seeing him so much that you have grown attracted to him and now he is running away, avoiding, being distant from you as you draw closer, which is causing you to feel rejected and sad. In either case i see this is not a good thing, no? Seeing the bigger perspective and trying to step back might help you focus on the longterm goal, and what you might need to get your emotions back on track. Maybe my analysis isn't want you want to hear, or you may disagree with me, but these are only my opinions and from based on what you shared. I do feel you can regain control of your emotions and your feelings again if you take a step back and breathe and realize that this is not as bad as it seems. Good luck and please to share more with us.
     
  8. Pan-chan

    Pan-chan Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    He's almost 27 now. Making him just under 10 years my senior.
    We were dating, on and off for a little over a year.
    I broke it off for the exact reason that I just dont think I'm ready for that kind of commitment
    I know i should have thought about that a little more before going into a relationship like that

    But he was my "guy on the side"
    while i was with another boyfriend. In a way he saved me, since i was in one hell of a dark and stormy relationship, that honestly, i thought would literally kill me. And i'll always be thankful to him for that, but its just too much for me. I want to be free for a while. I dont wanna come out of one relationship where I've been kept under the thumb, just to dive into another where i have to be totally exclusive.

    haha thats my problem I guess. A sucker for older guys
    and my mental age is approximately 25 haha. As much as I may be happy and hyper pan, some things in your life force you to grow up a lot quicker than you should. Unfortunately for me, a succession of these events is not good for a young perosn, and THIS is what you get. Its almost like living 2 lives. Only a few people get to ever see me in my natural happiness as Pan, most other people get cold yet totally cool, badass Channa :p
     
  9. Ange

    Ange Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Location:
    The Stage48 Institute for Akimoto Sayaka Worship
    Here, here Haruna. You can rest on my shoulder for a while :)
     
  10. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Under Girls Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    Thanks.. <3

    You got this point exactly right.
    Maybe you're right. I should step back for a while. Have a deep thinking.


    ...
    He's really the man I like because he's the first one who is kind and know about me after 5 years I broke off with another man who left me for another girl. He's also the only man I can talk to much about so many things. We both love joking. He always tells me his problems. When he faces problems with students in his class, he'll talk to me and I'll give my own opinions. He really moves my heart. The only thing I feel weird is I can't imagine his face in my mind at all. To be honest, he's short & not have pretty good looking. He's even not my ideal man. But I don't know why I like him so much. If there's solution which can make me forget him, I'll try. I know that loving him will burden me a lot. I don't actually know about his relationship with other women (his work partners or any other women he knows). When I meet another guy who is much much much better than him, I feel nothing even though those men/boys are perfect guys (tall, good looking, smart).
     
  11. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    wow, that sounds deep, and little did we know, there is a history in this, and you did have feelings for him early on, we just didn't know the extent of those details. Appearances are only skin deep, and well, it only takes a relationship, attraction so far, BUT i do feel they have some importance, as we need to feel some level of attraction. I suppose when you take a step back to think about this on a deeper level, i suggest if you can get away from him, your friends, go to a peaceful area, even at your own home, and spend a few hours to think about life, to think about what is going on, and what you want, what makes you happy and where and if you see being with him, or not. Basically a time of reflection, if you cannot get away for that long, atleast some moments to yourself, even a few times, to reflect what is happening. I think being concerned about him is probably not your importance, which should only be focused on you. The personal attention to you, probably makes him more attracting to you. Sometimes we as humans tend to overlook at the inadequencies of a person when they give us some attention and thus begin to look more attracting that more that meets the eye. I'd say from a logical standpoint, does this person seem compatible for me, and do we "click" well together. Do they bring us a freedom, and a positive energy, or are they just a burden to us? a good question to think about.
     
  12. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Under Girls Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    ^ I can't go to a far place. I always feel down if I go apart from my friends. They are my source of energy. Some of my lecturemates know that my relationship with that lecturer is quite close. They even tease me everyday saying that one day he will propose me or ask for a date and so on. They tease me almost the time. I know they're not serious about this. They're joking but I feel hurt with the joke. The only thing I can do is just smile and smile and pretend nothing happens. Workloads won't allow me to have my own free time for me to do some reflections. All I can do is just keep on living as what I am now. Hopefully, I can manage to do something with my life.


    I meet him at least once a week for some faculty works. When I'm with him, I am totally hypocrite. I pretend that I don't have any feelings for him but the real thing is my heart thumps like crazy. Am I really crazy?
     
  13. Ange

    Ange Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Location:
    The Stage48 Institute for Akimoto Sayaka Worship
    We are all crazy haruna!

    Look, if you confess. What are you going to lose if he rejects you? Honestly. A friend? A... what? If you're not losing a big thing, then try. The worst thing you can lose is hope. But what's hope after all? Just an illusion.

    Now, if you think you're going to lose a friend, think it twice. You know, there a quotation which says: "Friendship ofter ends in love; but love in friendship, never."
    That's quite right, not 100% accurate coz when romantic love has extinguished at both sides, you sure can be friends.

    But really, what you feel will follow you wherever you go if you don't face it first.
     
  14. kyu

    kyu Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Location:
    Inside the heart of a lost child...
    @haruna :
    Old culture is a good thing, the thing that will keep you from being harmed, and being looked down by male creature like us LOL. It's the Eastern culture I know, cause you and I have the similar culture, remember? We're neighbors. But the point is, it's good that you sill hold that old culture with you, I say don't let go. About your problem, well I just knew that there is a background history of it, now I know that your relation with him is way deeper that I previously thought. I think you should give him signal that you like her, you can find the safest way to do that, I'm sure you can.
    You have to figure out how much you like him now, or have you always liked him all this time, you're just too scared to admit and just buried your feelings deep? Or is it that you just temporarily attracted to him cause of his kindness to you all this time? If you have sorted your feelings out, you would know what to do next. If you have to approach him, DO approach him, but in the nicest, safest way possible. So he will always see you in high esteem.
    I know from your stories that he likes you too, he has deep feelings for you, and given the situations, I think it's not possible for him to suddenly back out from you now. I think he just trying to adjust his feelings with yours.

    About confessing, well...it's nice if you confess to him first. But on the other side, I personally think that man should confess first, so wait a little bit more for him. Always remember that love is one double-edged emotion, if you really love one person, that kind of love can make you feel really happy, or it can cause you a pain like hell. Be very wary of that. But love is one emotion that always worth fighting for.

    Ganbatte, Sis!
    We're always here to help you all we can. <3
     
  15. albusdumb

    albusdumb Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2008
    Location:
    With Oshima Yuko
    Haruna:
    I'm of agreement with Ange and Kyu. Especially with the Ange's quotation.

    I am not a great specialist. All that I can advise to you make attention to you. In love we can live marvellous things. But one can also suffer enormously.

    I don't know from where you are, there your culture. But that it is the woman or the man who takes the first step, doesn't have importance.

    Most important they is the feelings.
    But takes guard with good knowledge if this person is more important for you like friend or in love.

    The only real council which I can give you :

    Follows what your heart dictates to you.
     
  16. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    i do agree,we are all nutz, and dating, or attempting to enter the dating scene, can only make you crave craziness on another level.

    i do think confessing or talking things out with that person is necessary and important if you feel it is worth the risk to do so. I felt in my case, that it was really a waste of my efforts to come forward and say something. Sometimes the best thing is to walk away and continue the search elsewhere. I think in Haruna's case, maybe she should talk it out with him.
     
  17. cRaZY MiKi

    cRaZY MiKi Kenkyuusei

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    Somewhere
    -content deleted-
     
  18. Pan-chan

    Pan-chan Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Hm, well if you both feel like its becoming uncomfortable, then better to end the charade.

    However, from an objective point of view
    it sounds like there are some underlying issues.
    I dont know how far this "couple" thing went, but it seems like either she thinks you might have developed some kind of feeling for her, or she thinks SHE might have developed some feeling for you.

    And if you say she is relationship-a-phobic, the first thing she would do is back out right?
    As I say, its just an objective view of what you have said. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding, or she's just waiting to decide the right thing to say before she texts you back.
     
  19. Ange

    Ange Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Location:
    The Stage48 Institute for Akimoto Sayaka Worship
    Oh no cM! You've brought tears to my eyes :(

    Do you really think it went too far? Or you're just trying to please her?
     
  20. cRaZY MiKi

    cRaZY MiKi Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2007
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    Somewhere
    -content edited-
     

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